A Vocabulary Guide for Brian

Brian makes fun of the way I talk regularly. That makes him sound mean. Let me restate. Brian laughs at me every time I "talk pidgin." He enjoys laughing at these moments particularly because I have a BA in English Language with a minor in Editing. He is by no means disparaging or even remotely mean about it, but these moments have been frequent enough that they merit an address. Here goes.

My darling Brian,

I don't know how in six years of marriage you have still not heard or been exposed to the entirety of my limited "pidgin" vocabulary, but every time you hear a new word your response is always, "What the heck is that supposed to mean? I have literally never heard anyone ever say that and you throw it out like it's a normal word and I should just know what it means."

Well, dearest, it's because you should know what it means and it is a normal word. There are a plethora of Hawaiian pidgin vocabulary books and if you were to pick one up you would agree with me that I don't actually talk pidgin. I speak English, and you can't even pretend that I was born in Hawaii and then moved because my direct tie to the islands is one generation removed. That's right. I was born in the same state as you, and, surprisingly, the same hospital as you. But. All that aside. Here is a compilation of the words you should already know because they are normal.

all bus' up - broken, messed up, destroyed, no longer in a functioning state. ex: "The cats wen' crash into the stereo. It's all bus' up now. I don't think you can fix it."

'ass why - that's why; that is the explanation for whatever you just asked me. "I didn't get your text. Phone was on silent, 'ass why."

chawan - rice bowl. When you ask me how much I want and I say "chawan" that is a literal portion and what I want you to do is go to the cupboard, retrieve one rice bowl, and fill it with whatever you are serving.

cho-cho lips - really, really thick lips. When I point to Stanley on an episode of The Office and say, "He get real cho-cho lips, eh?" don't look at me like I'm speaking Klingon.

cockaroach - pronounced Ka ka roach - small, stingy, tight; also to steal or sneak away with. "They real cockaroach with the lettuce today, huh?" This is what I said in the Mexican restaurant last week that made you monologue loudly about my linguistic choices when really all I wanted was an affirmation that they had only put seven leaves of lettuce in my salad.

da kine - a filler word for any time I can't call to mind the equivalent English word that would make you not look at me quizzically and laugh. "Hand me da kine." ─Brian stares at me─ "Da kine." I point. ─Brian points to the notebook─ "No! Da kine! Is right in fron' yo' face." ─Brian hands me the stapler─ "Thank you."

dem - the people normally associated with the person I have just named. This usage entails that more than one person is involved, and I don't want to be bothered with listing them all out for you every time. "Your aunt dem coming over tonight for movie, ok?" Based on that sentence you should expect your aunt, your uncle, and all of their children.

funny kine - strange, weird, off, not normal. The appropriate response to me saying, "Something smell funny kine?" is not "What the crap did you just say?" and should be "Yeah, what is that? Let's investigate this abnormal aroma together."

get - to have. "I get a funny kine bump here" means "Please examine this abnormality that has suddenly appeared on my body and which has also caused me to worry about my general health and safety."

go, going - future tense. "I going swim today." Congratulate me. I have committed to exercise in a swimming pool.

haaah, heh? - I didn't hear you. Please repeat your last iteration.

hashi - chopsticks. These are far more versatile than you ever imagined and someday I will convince your mother that her life truly is lacking as a result of the absence of hashi in her kitchen assembly. I mean, really. Kitchen-aid? Nah. I get hashi.

hapai - pregnant. Whenever my sister emphatically asks me, "Hapai?" with accompanying eyebrows wiggles, please join me in giving her an irritated look.

holoholo - mess around, play, hang out. "They no can come over tonight. They going holoholo lakeside." 

howzit - hey! what's up? The problem with this phrase is that it encourages your belief that I only talk pidgin when other pidgin talkers are around. The reason I don't say this to you every day of my life is because you looked at me really, really weirdly the first, second, third, fourth, and fifth times I did so. So I stopped saying it to you.

huhu - upset, usually for no good reason. I'm actually glad you don't know this phrase because you would use it against me all the time. Even though I get plenny good reasons.

humbug - annoying, bothersome, or otherwise a hassle to complete. "Why didn't you take the trash all the way down to the dumpster?" "Was too humbug, 'ass why."

junk - terrible, awful, not worth it. "Why don't you want to go to that movie?" "Is junk, 'ass why."

kapakahi - all mixed up; all messed up; out of order, in disarray. "Why are you cleaning your desk on a Saturday?" "Is kapakahi, 'ass why."

li'dat - like that; in that manner; the way I just showed you. This term is meant to be a shortcut to avoid a lengthy explanation that really seems to be unnecessary. The shortcut is negated when you turn around and ask me not only for another explanation but a further explanation of the term I just used as a shortcut.

make - pronounced MA'kay, rhymes with "sake," means dead. "I need a pen." "What's wrong with the one in your hand? or the three on your desk?" "Make." "I don't know what you just said, but here's another pen." Do not mix this up with the similarly sounding "maki," which means "rolled" and is used when we go to my parents' house and fix food for new years. 

mo' bettah - more better. The option I have announced as mo' bettah is a superior choice in every way to the alternative. It's not just better, it's more better. Please choose it.

monku monku - to pout or otherwise behave like a disgruntled three year old. This is the face you make when you discover that your favorite pair of pants are in the wash and you have nothing in your closet except your old jeans.

musubi - rice ball wrapped in seaweed. Variations of this very versatile item include with spam, with ume, or with whatever you think will be delicious in, on, or with your musubi.

nene - sleepy, sleep, nap time, bedtime. Also "nemui." "Wanna go nene?" "Naynay. . . . Naynay. . . . Naynay?" "Wait. Are you saying you are tired and want to go nene? or are you asking me if I'm nene? You're shaking your head. You must be confused. . . . Nene?"

ni'ele - nosy.

no can - what you are asking is impossible. I have already taken into consideration every possibility associated with your request and have determined that every path leads to failure. "Are you going to your dad's shop today?" "No can." "But what about─" "No. No can." "I thought you were─" "No. No can." "But why not?" "No can. If can, can. If no can, no can."

no need - not necessary. This simple sentence means whatever is being discussed is no longer needed in the situation. "Do you need the phillips head or flathead screwdriver?" "No need!" See? Simple. Yet every time I say this you spout a string of words like, "Subject? No? Object? No? Verb conjugation? No? Degree in linguistics? Yes? Ok, weirdo."

pau, all pau - finished. I must give you credit for being able to grasp the meaning of this term and being able to recognize it in its plethora of usages in our lives as well as being able to appropriately respond when I use it. Good job you!

plenny - a lot, enough, an adequate amount for the current needs. "Did you get enough sleep?" "Yeah, get plenny."

puka - hole. You have also gotten this word well under your belt despite the rocky beginning. My mother: "We're putting up some puka puka board─" You: "What?!" "Puka puka board. We're putting up puka puka board in dad's shop." "What are you even saying? What is a puka board?" "Puka! Puka puka." "What is puka?" "Puka! Puka is puka! Puka puka board! Puka puka board has pukas!" To be honest, I thought you would give up, but you didn't. 

s'kosh, s'koshi - just a little bit. This term makes you sometimes think I am speaking Japanese to you. You are not wrong. You are also right in thinking the word means the same thing no matter how I use it. You, on the other hand, think this word can mean "short" and I must tell you that it is not correct usage to point at me trying to reach the top shelf and say, "s'koshi!" Not. Correct.

try - something like the word "please" but not quite so formal. "Can you bring me a glass of milk?" "Try wait one sec." That means I absolutely will bring you a glass of milk, but you asked me while I was typing, and I want to finish my thought. I am not actually asking you to try to do anything. A soliloquy on how trying to wait is pretty much impossible is not helping.

ukus - pronounced ookoos, lice. I don't actually know anybody who has lice, but when you wake up in the morning and scratch your head ferociously, I will occasionally jokingly ask, "Ukus?" The appropriate response would be to throw a pillow at my face and go on with your normal morning routine.

wen - past tense. "I wen swim today." You should say, "Did you have a good time?" not "You wen swim today? You wen . . . swim . . . today. . . . Are you sure you even know how to speak English?"

See how that's really not very many words at all? You speak fluent Spanish and frequently shout whole Spanish conversations in your sleep. I have every faith in your ability to recognize these few words as part of my completely normal vernacular. 

Much love,

Me

P.S. I do sometimes worry when your dreams require a reply so violently loud that I snap straight upright in bed and reach for my gun. Is there a reason that you shout in Spanish in the middle of the night? I'm learning Spanish just so I can try to get to the bottom of this.