Yes, Scrooge Darling

Our church did a special program for the Sunday before Christmas and I passed the whole of it paying fervent attention and taking notes. Because of Brian. I pass on to you now his priceless remarks.

At the choir sitting down after the first choir number
"I hate choirs. Y'know what the most important thing to a choir director is? Standing up and sitting down at the same time. How about actually singing well? Nope. Just as long as we all sit down simultaneously. That's what really matters."

At the children getting up to perform a number
"I hate when they do this. Look at this. They take three times as long to get up there and stand still than they do to sing the song. And of course it's soooooo important that they all stand still. It's kids. They're not going to stand still."

At the children actually performing the number
"And of course they don't know the words. All these kids just standing up there not singing, but it's sooooo important that they stand there! This is important to Christmas."

At the children sitting down after the number
"Yup. Better tell them not to run again. Cause they listened to you so well the first sixteen times."

At the instrumental musical number
"I hate arrangements. I just hate arrangements."

At the choir singing a medley number
"I hate medleys. Every time you see the word 'medley' just substitute 'bastardized conglomeration'."

At the choir pausing during the medley number
"I hate pauses."

At a special number that suddenly changed languages
"I hate bilingual duets."

All right, Scrooge, darling, let's take you home before you start swinging a coal shovel at the carolers.

Pragmatism for the Win

Brian to me after a miserable day of sickness, "I hope you feel better in the morning." I opened my mouth to say thanks but was interrupted by Brian.

"Odds are against that. I hope you feel better the second morning."